Toxins Rumored to Be Moving Out of Coors
Busch Stadium rumored to Be New Home

(AP) Former Toxin pitcher Greg Maddux is ticked off and that's putting it mildly. "Now he wants to change parks. I was the all-time ERA champ of the TML until he took our team to Colorado. Finally, I had to demand a trade. And now he wants to move to a real field. He went to Coors to suck up to that Andro-freak McGwire. I still may sue him!", screamed an angry Mr Maddux.
While virtually any park is a possibility, rumors swirl around Busch Stadium. Machine Gun Max Mercy believes he should spread this story even if it is mostly apochryphal and offers this guaranteed unretouched photograph as proof of Landin barnstorming the country last week. Will Busch Stadium be home to the Toxins? Has anyone called Missouri's Department of Environmental Conservation? All this will be explored in the coming weeks.....

Strikers Win First Simulation
Toxins, Drench Surprise Winners, Thoroughbreds No Darkhorse

Things are looking up in Rensselaer. First the city has relocated to Indiana which kind of makes moot the effect of dredging on its community. Second, residents in the fair city have more to look up at than the state of the art water tower. Yes, this could be the year the hometown nine grabs the prize. The Strikers won 102 games in the first TML sim. Hialeah won 99 and look very dangerous. The other divisions had shocking results. The Drench shoveled the defending champion Avalanche to second and the Toxins, two years removed from a 187 loss season, bested the Dodgers for the Gehrig title.
The Hillbillies and the Surge finished in a flatfooted tie for second. Other playoff teams were the Avalanche, the Travelers, and the Dodgers. Worst teams were Nashua and the former Phoenix Mystique although we are confident Walla Walla can give them a go when the starting gun fires.

Barry Bonds won the homer title, edging out Edmonds, Andruw Jones and Bay. Bonds looked a little hurt and may not get this many at bats in the real season unless he heals fast. Miguel Cabrera hit .369 to win the batting title and Jason Bay led the league in runs created. On the mound Mark Buerhhle kept the Hillbillies in it with 25 wins. Jake Peavy lead the league in Ks. Dontrelle Willis was the ERA champ with a splendid 2.16. Save leader was Mariano Rivera, who else?

Machine Gun Max: Well the second replay is scheduled for New Years Day, with better rosters. Make some trades, the Trade Reporter tells me he's bored.

Arkansas Becomes Big Factor in Draft
Susqhehanna Awash with New Talent as Cempa Tries to Build Fan Base

Machine Gun Max: Keep those blockbusters coming!!! AR is rebuilding on the fly and Cempa is taking a run at the Big Bad Boys of Beverly. Can Dickinson respond in kind? We'll see.

(AP) TML Headquarters Albany, NY
The league was astounded this week as Willie Jelks bid farewell to four long-time members of the Travelers: Sean Casey, David Dellucci, JC Romero and Mark Scutaro. In return, the Travelers received most of the Surge's remaining draft picks as well as Lyle Overbay. Arkansas is now restocked on draft picks and then some. After losing their 5th through 7th picks through the waiver claim process, the Travellers had but 4 picks in the draft. Now, post-trade, Willie Jelks controls 2 1st round picks, a 2nd, 2 3rds and 2 4th round picks. This is not good for bargain hunters in the draft. The Travellers also quietly upgraded at 1st base, getting a younger more productive talent for the steady Sean Casey.

The lynchpin to the Surge end of the trade is clearly one David Dellucci shown at the left. Always a fave of the on-base set, Dellucci had a monster 29 home run season and will sit well in the middle of the Surge's line up. Sean Casey brings his usual good supply of singles and walks to the lineup. Marc Scutaro is a useful guy and will probably play all around the infield although he likely see a lot of action at third. JC Romero adds a situational lefty to the Surge's bullpen.
The trade leaves the Surge with a very good offense. The team is a bit top heavy in outfield now, but that might be used as trade bait to strengthen its relatively weak bullpen. For now the Surge clearly has his old rival Beverly in their sight.
For Arkansas, it has the picks to rebuild a franchise that was a juggernaut this year, but whose position players were beginning to age, This trade allows the Travellers to assemble some decent prospects around what remains a very formidable pitching staff. We haven't heard the last of Mr. Jelks.

Moyer Re-Signs With the Mariners
Rumored to be Available at a Nice Price from the Avalanche

Machine Gun Max: A 43 Year old Guy in the TML. What is this a retro league???

The Seattle Mariners' all-time winningest pitcher will remain with the club another year.
The Mariners on Wednesday re-signed 43-year-old Jamie Moyer to a one-year contract.
Moyer won his 131st game with the organization on May 30 against Toronto, surpassing Randy Johnson for the all-time franchise record. He finished the season 13-7, including 10-0 at home, with a 4.28 ERA and has 139 wins as a Mariner.
In 19 seasons - the last 10 with Seattle - Moyer has posted a 205-152 record for six teams.

At right, Moyer pitching to Willie McCovey in 1962. Famously, Moyer never allowed a hit to McCovey.

Cempa Moves Team to Susquehanna
Former Mansion Hill Offices Sieged by Angry Mob

From somewhere on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, Mike Cempa reported by cell phone that he was moving his team from Mansion Hill to Susquehanna. He had renamed his team the Surge despite counsel from his advisor Mike Dickinson that Scatslingers was a better name and more in keeping with the old Mudslinger name.

The move out of Mansion Hill had been expected as fans had grown weary and then angry with the team's on and off field antics. When informed of Cempa slinking out of town, an angry mob (see above) of fans descended upon the former headquarters of the Mudslingers with pitchforks, torches and brooms (oddly considering their former owner, Mudslinger fans are neat and like to clean up afterward). Unfortunately, no one brought matches to light the torches and the building was made of stone anyway. So they just swept up the sidewalk and went home. Said one sad fan. "say what you will about Mr. Cempa, the guy was no gentlemen!"

Things that Never Happened at a Landin Run Draft
Although the Owner in Question Attended a Few Drafts

Machine Gun Max: I'm just glad the guys in this league only covet the other guy's players!

New York Yankees Sold to New Investor
Mr. Chip Sotolar today officially announced his resignation from the Molson Baseball League, news that did not come as a surprise to the League. Mr. Sotolar--who had owned the Yankees for over 15 years--had been less able to steward the franchise last season, and finally decided it was time for fresh blood.Although there are several highlights of Mr. Sotolar's tenure in the MBL, he is perhaps best known as the bait that led to questions regarding the sexual orientation of a former owner. That owner, whose names (he had two) will not be released for fear of legal action, upon initially sighting Mr. Sotolar in Cleveland, Ohio, said, "He's gorgeous!"We wish Mr. Sotolar the best in his future endeavors

Matthews Trade Continues Toxin Quest to Corral all Rangers
World Series Hero Stunned to be Traded by Albany a Second Time


Machine Gun Max: Gary Matthews has been dealt to the Toxic Waste Toxins. The Machine Gun is somewhat surprised to see Albany trade one of its nice role players. The man is versatile and his speed broke open the final game of the World Series when he beat feet on a slow roller and scored on a close play at the plate. Now I know Pat Barry likes draft picks, but I think he could have done better by waiting. As for the Commissioner I have one comment: if you want to monopolize the players on a baseball team, monopolize the Cardinals or the Red Sox. The Rangers? No good can come of that!